Friday, December 14, 2018

I am not alone, but lonely.

Every end is for something new to begin, and every new beginning has something to teach or learn here, in forever. 

Year #2018 was a year of learning, time and again trust issues play major role in my life. While the most pressing issue in my life is yet to be addressed, but, new wounds found their place making this year memorable.

Majority of my time in #2018 I was behind oasis and by the time I realised the great damage was already done. Presently I am very #uncertain (#patha #nai, this word had NO place in my life untill couple of months back) on my next course of action, I am already wandering around for couple of months now, with this uncertainty. 

In the current juncture I am struck in middle of NO where.. while it's been an evident fact with me, I usually take very long time to get out of these kind of situations, but this time I have made up my mind that this be the last occurrence, #hopefully.

Somehow, I don't feel like having any attachments with anyone anymore (am I becoming cold hearted!?, I hear largely yes to myself).. the desire to spend alone is more.. the scars are deeper this time, when I introspect everything, it's my own expectations which has caused the concern, hence no complaints.. while I was very cautious.

From my early teen age, my heart is heavely burdened, been in search to offload this burden for long time ending up no where or no one to go. My problem is, my inner circle, friends, close associates everyone sees me as their strength or approach me to easen their loads making me constrained to myself.

It's been a while I wanted to spend time in woods, I got drifted away, or maybe then it was not apt time..(or do I think of woods only when I am deeply hurt!??) today again I think in those lines, will make it happen coming year for sure. 

#2019 I want to make myself detached with as many as possible, expectation is lesser the interactions, lesser is the pain.. since I already passed a stage where I cannot hate individuals, hence better to avoid. #2019 I will try to distract myself from all social networking sites except Blogs & LinkedIn... I am hopeful this step of mine, will certainly bring some peace to my wounded soul.

"I am not alone, but lonely."

Wishing you all a very happy & peaceful year #2019 in advance. 

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